Living in the Past
by BuiltFromAshes
Summary: Leslie Shay was gone and years had passed without her. Things were finally falling into a normalcy when someone shows up at firehouse 51 stirring up old emotions. AU. Casey/Dawson pairing.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's note: This story is definitely AU. But Shay is still dead *sobs*. It takes place skipping some years, but there will be flashbacks in italics. Just some quick stuff..I have Dawson and Casey married (I may throw in a kid for them), Dawson remained a paramedic..and I think that's really it for now. Future chapters will be longer than this and have better flashbacks/more involvement with other characters. I just wanted a short intro done. I hope you like it!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 1: Ghost from the Past<strong>

_The first time Kelly saw her was at Shay's funeral. She had been sandwiched between Leslie's mother and father. Her beautiful long blonde hair and big innocent blue eyes made her look just like his dead best friend. Did Shay have a cousin? He knew she had been an only child, so the young teen was not a sibling. This girl..she was like a carbon copy. Same bone structure, same slender build, the same beauty that caught people's attention. He felt so tempted to go talk to her. But by the time that he had gotten to give condolences to the family, she was gone. Severide hadn't seen the girl again after that until 7 years later._

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><p>Madison rubbed her hands together and blew on them to try to warm them up as she approached Firehouse 51. The wind whipped her blonde hair back from her face as she stopped to just stare at the building. It felt wrong yet right to be there. She had nothing to do with her placement at this firehouse, or else she wouldn't be there. Moving to Chicago hadn't even been part of her life plan. She had wanted to stay as far away as possible. Maybe it was just fate..or maybe it was meant to torture her.<p>

"Do you need help?" Maddie nearly jumped out of her skin, not having expected anyone to approach her. She turned around to face a tall blonde man who had a welcoming smile on his face. She had seen him once before, but he was still a stranger to her. His facial expression quickly changed to a look of confusion and surprise. She raised an eyebrow, wondering what his problem was. "God, I'm sorry. You just look like someone I used to know." The man quickly apologized. She offered up a smile of her own and shook her head.

"It's ok. I'm not lost. I'm Madison, the new paramedic." She stuck her hand out for him to shake. He returned the gesture and led her towards her new firehouse. She walked beside him with her hands now shoved in her pockets.

"Well, it's nice to meet you, Madison. I'm Matthew Casey. Truck 81 Lieutenant. Just call me Casey. My wife, Gabriella Dawson, is your PIC. She's easy to get along with so don't worry. What firehouse were you at before you came here?" He glanced sideways at her. She looked rather young to be a paramedic. Appearance and age did not always match up though so he shouldn't judge her. She looked again at the lieutenant. So this was Casey. She had heard things about all of the people at Firehouse 51. And Dawson…she had heard so many stories about her. Working with her was going to be tough.

"I would hope you would say that your wife is easy to get along with." Madison joked. She breathed a sigh of relief once they were inside out of the cold, but it was clear that she was uncomfortable being there. "I was at Firehouse 17 in St. Louis, Missouri for almost 4 years. EMT since I was 16 and a certified paramedic by the time I was 18. " So she was young. Only about 20 years old. He watched as she bit her cheek, blue eyes scanning her surroundings.

"Since you were 16? Wow. Hey, how about I introduce you to the guys? Dawson should be here by now too." She shifted her shoulder bag further up her slender shoulder and nodded, a bit unsure. The young blonde girl was quiet as she followed Casey into the common room. There were guys and one girl sitting around talking as well as laughing. The whole room fell into silence when she walked in. Before Casey could say anything the man Maddie knew was Chief Boden walked in. He too stopped and looked at her. After clearing his throat he spoke.

"This is Madison Shay, the new paramedic on ambulance 61. We hope you make yourself at home here." She smiled a bit and waved to the guys, but they were too busy whispering to each other.

Kelly stood up and gazed straight at her. It was the girl from the funeral..what was she doing here? Maddie looked back at him, sighing softly in recognition. His face was one she could not forget even though she only saw him once before, just like everyone else at the firehouse. They probably did not remember her. But Kelly did. He looked like he had seen a ghost...

_Madison gazed straight ahead at her mother's coffin as she droned out the sound of the priest talking. She didn't much care what he had to say. He hadn't known her. Then again, neither had she really. She looked over at the firefighters and the female paramedic who had to have been her mom's partner. They had known her mother well. They had been her family. As Maddie looked at them she caught the eyes of one of the men. He was gazing back at her with tears in his blue eyes. He looked so heartbroken. She quickly looked away and turned her eyes to the ground. _

_"Leslie's best friend, Kelly Severide, would like to say a few words." The priest spoke. The blonde girl looked up now, interested. It turned out that her mother's best friend was none other than the crying firefighter. His eyes met hers once more before he began to speak._

Madison shook her head.

"Um..maybe I should go.." She turned around but a voice stopped her.

"Shay? As in Leslie Shay?" The pain in Kelly's voice could not be mistaken. He had tried to move on for so long over his best friend's death, and now here 7 years later was the young blonde duplicate of her. She tucked her hair behind her ears and nodded slowly, looking down at the ground. She couldn't bear to see the hurt faces. The faces of people who didn't see Madison..they saw their old friend.

"Yeah..she was my mother. I know she used to work here at 51. You know what, I shouldn't have come here." Before anyone could stop her she walked out of the room leaving the shocked members of the firehouse in the wake.

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><p><strong>AN: How Madison came to be and how she ended up at firehouse 51 among other things will be revealed later in the story.<strong> **Would you be interested in me continuing this story? **


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's note: Wow! I was really not expecting so big of a response for this story. I'd like to thank all of you who read, reviewed, favorited, or followed this story. I'd like to say that Kelly and Madison are defiantly NOT getting together, so don't worry about that. It would be very wrong. I would never do that and Kelly's somewhere in his mid 40's in the story and Maddie is only 20. They will have a strong relationship but it will be like a father/daughter or big brother/baby sister type thing. Another thing, Shay is still a lesbian. I did not change that. The origin story of Madison will be revealed piece by piece. Some of it is mentioned in this chapter. Sorry that there isn't any Dawsey in this chapter. I promise there will be in the next one! I had to have another chapter to get things in order first. Read and enjoy!  
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**Disclaimer: I do not own Chicago Fire or any of it's characters. I do own Madison Shay. All mistakes are mine.**

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><p><strong>Chapter 2: Through Her Eyes<strong>

Kelly paced around Boden's office, shaking his head in disbelief. This could not be happening. It couldn't be real.

"She had a daughter! She never even told us…she never even told me! I cannot believe that. She talked to me for months about how much she wanted a baby after Clarice left with Wesley and the whole time she did have a kid! Did you know about this? Did you place her daughter here on purpose?" His accusatory eyes turned to the Chief. Someone had to be to blame for this. How else would Shay's daughter just get assigned to the same firehouse her mother had worked at? Someone had to have known about the girl. Boden placed a hand on the squad lieutenant's shoulder in attempt to calm him.

"I had nothing to do with Madison's placement here. We needed a new paramedic and her application was the first I received. I was not going to turn her away just because of her name. I did not know she was related to Shay. It could have been a coincidence. Severide, Shay never did anything without reason. There has to be some logic behind why she never said anything, so don't be mad at her. And don't take it out on Madison. The girl already feels like she doesn't belong here." Kelly pulled away from Boden and looked out the glass window towards the common room. Maddie was not there. Please don't let her have left…Casey's words interrupted him from his thoughts.

"She's still here. Gabby went after her. Madison needs us. She came here all the way from St. Louis. I bet she was probably living with Shay's parents. But now she is here in a city she doesn't know, surrounded by people who won't stop staring at her because she looks just like her dead mother. We can't just let her leave. We need her just as much as she needs us. She's family." The two lieutenant allowed themselves to find comfort in each other through a hug. They both missed Shay so much. She had been Kelly's best friend, his roommate, the person who he leaned on through everything, the person who promised to Always be there for him. Even though Casey hadn't been as close to her she had still been his wife's close friend. She had been the one to talk to him about getting her a ring and how to propose. She had always brought smiles and laughter to his day. When she died, it was like the heart of the firehouse was gone too.

"We can't let anything happen to her daughter." Kelly said after a few moments of silence. They had all lost Shay. They could not lose Madison too.

"We will protect her."

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><p><em>Leslie Shay's smile was all but contagious as she sat on the couch eating mint chocolate chip ice cream out of the carton with Kelly. He placed his hand on her flat stomach, eliciting laughter from her. <em>

_"We are going to be parents! I still can't believe it. Tomorrow is the big day. I can't wait." She said, grinning at her best friend. He too couldn't stop smiling. Tomorrow was finally the day that she was getting inseminated. She was going to get pregnant with HIS kid. He couldn't believe it either. Years ago when they met he never believed this would happen. _

_"9 months and we will have a little baby of our own. A baby." He shook his head in amazement. Shay scooped some ice cream and ate it before talking again. She couldn't resist her favorite dessert of course. _

_"What do you think, boy or girl?" Her blue eyes were sparkling with anticipation at his answer. He ate some ice cream himself as he thought. _

_"I really don't know. I'd be happy either way." She rolled her eyes as his cliché answer and leaned back against the couch cushion. _

_"If it's a boy he's going to be a born firefighter. He would be a blonde hair, blue-eyed stud. He'd be as stubborn as they come, but charming as can be. Nothing would get past that boy. He'd be getting into fights at school, but we'd forgive him." Kelly smiled at that scenario. _

_"What about it we have a girl?" He asked. _

_"If it's a girl she's going to be a heart-breaker. She'll have your dark hair and bright blue eyes, no one is going to resist her. Everyone would be wrapped around her pinky. Especially you. You would totally go all overprotective dad on her. God, that would be adorable to watch." Kelly laughed and pulled her into a hug. If it was a girl, she would be daddy's little princess. No one would ever lay a hand on her. He would always protect her._

_"I guess we will just have to wait and see."_

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><p>Gabby was not all the surprised at where she found Madison. The young girl was staring at the picture of her mother hanging in the hallway, running her finger over the date of death. Dawson swallowed thickly. She looked so much like her former partner. Leslie would have wanted Gabby to have looked after her kid. If she had known sooner about Madison, she would have quickly taken her in. It was would have at least been something of her to hold onto. She could have told Maddie story after story of her mother and how amazing she had been. Instead, Madison grew up without that. Gabby walked further into the hallway after wiping tears from her eyes, and stopped beside the grieving girl.<p>

"I stand here every morning." Madison jerked her hand away from the photo and looked at Gabby. Her blue eyes quickly found their way to the floor in embarrassment for having been crying.

"She was your partner? She used to tell me things about you when she would call or write me letters. She really liked you. Said you were one of the best friends she could ever have. She wanted me to meet you someday..I guess that's today." Dawson couldn't help but close the distance between the two of them and wrap her up in her arms. Much to her surprise, Madison did not fight, she returned the embrace. The blonde closed her eyes as tears ran down her pale cheeks.

"Your mom was the best partner I could have asked for. She became my best friend. We were the only two women in the firehouse, besides Boden's secretary, so we became really close. I would have loved to have met you sooner. I wish your mom would have said something..I miss her every day. I'm sure you do too." Gabby ran her fingers through Maddie's blonde locks softly. It brought comfort to both of them. Madison let her head rest against the older woman's shoulder. She wished she would have had her own mother around to hold her like this again like when she was little.

"She wanted all of you to know me, but she said I had to stay in St. Louis. She never got a chance to tell me why. I wish she could have told me why. If my mom would have still been alive when I turned 18, I would have moved out here on my own so I could finally be with her. Instead…instead she died when I was 13. There's so many things I didn't tell her..so many things.." Her voice was broken up by too much emotion to continue. Maddie's grandparents never talked about her mother. It was their way of dealing with the grief. But it had meant that she suffered emotionally at that expense. She never really got to grieve. This was all too much. This was Leslie Shay's world. Her life. Now Madison Shay's life. It felt wrong, like she was replacing her.

Her eyes snapped to attention when Gabby pulled back from her, taking her face softly between her hands.

"Maddie..sweetie, your mom loved you so much. She had a heart of gold just like I bet you do. I wish she could still be here with us, but she's not. She would be so proud of you. She really would." Madison's face showed just a hint of a smile. She wanted to make her mom proud. The sound of someone clearing their voice caught her attention. Kelly. He was standing with his hands deep in his pockets, looking uncertain.

"If I'm interrupting I can come back…" Gabby cut him off, shaking her head.

"No, we're good." She waited until Madison let go to step away. They shared a mutual smile before Dawson walked away, leaving the new paramedic alone with the squad lieutenant. Maddie watched him, waiting to see what he was going to do. But he did nothing. His eyes shifted from her eyes to the floor as if he didn't quite have a plan of action yet. She looked away from him as she wiped tears off her face, before raising an eyebrow in question.

"I'm not going to bite your head off you know. I'm harmless…actually that's not 100% true, but still. Are you going to actually talk to me now? I can wait, but I hear that you guys have a good cook, and I'm hungry. Mom said his name was Peter Mills. Is he still here?" Madison crossed her arms over her chest and leaned against the wall as she waited out his silence. Kelly looked up at her. There were unshed tears glistening in his eyes. Oh god..she wouldn't be able to deal with it if he cried. Those big sad blue eyes..He walked closer until they were about a foot apart.

"Mills is still here. We have all been taking turns cooking, but I can get him to whip something up. He is a great cook. I bet you are hungry after driving all the way from St. Louis." He was clearly trying to get some info out of her discretely. She nodded and played along. Of course he was curious. As long as he didn't have a full on Q&A with her, it was fine.

"I'd love that. It was a pretty long drive. Lonely by yourself. I asked my grandparents if they wanted to come down for the ride, but they flat out refused. I tried." Kelly nodded, looking content with the fact that he got something out of her. He rubbed the back of his neck, looking straight ahead now.

"What about your dad?" His voice was full of curiosity. Maddie wanted to roll her eyes. Someone was bound to have asked at some point. Yes, her mother was a lesbian, so how had she came to be? The blonde looked back at the picture of her mother since Kelly wasn't looking at her right now anyway.

"I never got to meet him. He's dead. Died about a month before I was born. His name was Steven. Steven Madison. Hence my name. He was my mom's best friend growing up in St. Louis. No, my mom was not in a relationship with him, she was always a lesbian. And no, he didn't force himself on her. It was a mutual decision to have me." Severide had so many more questions about that, but he didn't want to push his luck. She was probably not too comfortable talking about personal things with people she did not know.

"I'm sorry." He said quietly. He didn't need to say what for. She knew. For her losing both parents, for having to be in some foreign city, and for being looked at like a ghost. She slowly nodded and their eyes met. She wanted to tell him that she remembered seeing him at the funeral, but she kept her mouth shut. "So, where are you staying? Did you find an apartment or something?" Madison uncrossed her arms and pushed herself away from the wall.

"I haven't quite figured that out yet. I started looking at apartments online, but I didn't find anything yet. I just planned on staying at a hotel for the time being." Kelly immediately shook his head. No. He was not letting Shay's kid stay at some hotel all by herself. It wasn't right.

"You can stay with me-" He was cut off by the fire alarm going off. _Truck 81, Squad 3, Ambulance 61, Battalion 25 building fire at 6th and Wilson. _

"I'll think about it. Duty calls." Severide couldn't help but stand there a minute to see the young blonde girl rushing off just like he had watched Shay do so many times. He shook the thought from his head and dashed after her. Duty was calling.

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><p><strong>AN: I hope you liked it!<br>**


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